I know I’ve been MIA from here for a while… not because I haven’t had anything to write, but because of wanting to be fully present in what was happening in my world personally.
The last few months of life have been the completely different than I had expected or have gotten accustomed to the past 20+ years. It’s interesting how we go through life, sometimes hoping for something different, but falling into the same routine of the same things everyday, and growing content, truly expecting nothing different.
And in that routine, I grew so sure of what I had… the consistency in professional world, family, friends, coming and going as I like… I know what this current life is…. Comfortable. Predictable; even in its Roller-coaster, up and downs…. it’s Known and I’ve lived with the attitude of “I know this and like it, maybe even love it….’ until… I was faced with a opportuty, a chance to explore a “yes” and along with that so much unknown.
It’s a new day. It’s time to step into a new season. A new chapter I very truly honestly didn’t dream, hope or expect would (or could) actually ever come.
I’ve seen God’s faithfulness more clearly these past months – even in though the years of doubt, pain, questions, frustrations, anger, hurt that felt so consuming. God has exceeded my hopes, dreams and my prayers for a bright future!
When I was a young girl…. my dreams for a fairytale life filled with a fabulous relationship, dating, marriage, children, beautiful house, career, and happily ever-after….. were clearly laid out. I had the list of what my life (and specifically my man) would be like……..
But as the years passed, with no relationship ever meeting my ‘wants’ – and with disappointment and failed relationships ending – for a myriad of reasons…. that list slowly got cut, sliced, diced and went from the 20 bullet point things to only 2 – almost jokingly they were; 1) must be male and 2) must love Jesus.
I didn’t feel like my cutting the list was really about my “settling” – it was just time passing and shifted perspectives and those 2 things were really bottom line ‘needs’!
I had been on dating websites, been hanging out with “potentials” for so many years… and although I’m thankful for what I learned about myself, nothing ever came of those “hello’s’, text, first dates, even the several months of dating….
Until one day….
… little did I know that the man who said, “hello”, from a country away, who pursued me, even when I held him at arm’s length, who I challenged, I questioned and I hesitated in continuing the “yes” —- would be the one I would say the ultimate “Yes!!” to.
Yves and I met in July… and even with 525 miles (or 800km) between us, our relationship has grown and an exciting new chapter began in our life narratives. This man has pursued me, cared for me, loved me, and has been fully engaged in all the roller-coaster emotions – that is my life. He’s made sacrifices of time and money, traveled to and from PA/Canada countless times, has brought clarity, confidence and so much joy to my world!!
And remember that list of things I wanted….. the one that went from 20 things to 2……. over the last months of spending time with Yves – it seems that the many things I had crossed off, things I didn’t think ‘needed’ have been beautifully added back, but in a more ‘divine’ handwriting.
I’m so thrilled about our future – it feels so very exciting and I (still) often pinch myself, questioning if this truly is my, our, reality – if that flame of HOPE, that I allowed to slowly dimish to a dimly lit ember, actually did become a reality?! We are excited and thrilled for the coming days, figuring out life in all its adventures; together!
And even though the comfort and surety of my current reality, professionally, geographically, etc is potentially shifting, the surety of whom I’m walking into the next chapter of life with – outweighs all the unknowns and I can not wait.
I am truly thankful for God’s faithfulness and for allowing my faith to grow over the years and now, in this moment. I’m overwheled by His kindness in reminding me that He actually does know what He’s doing and is still writing my amazingly-breathtakingly beautitful, unfolding life narrative!
Excited, and ready, to turn the page and see how the next chapters of this story unfolds!