It’s been awhile since I wrote…. I actually hadn’t intended to write now, but had a conversation this week that moved me then, and even now, it lingers. The comments, challenge, truth, emotion and encouragement are still tumbling around in my head – so what do I do? I write.
So a friend shared a story of his extended family member. Some of the details may be off, but the impact was dead on. He described the adventures and some details of their big life – led the way they felt God designed. And in spite of much criticism and questions, even from family – regarding ministry, never marrying, lack of kids/grandkids….. the question was asked, ‘in the end, was it worth it?’
I sat there listening. Occasionally wondering what the story had to do with me, and why it had to be shared now, in the midst of a busy afternoon… But I’ll admit, I was intrigued by the story.
I was moved.
And all along, I sat waiting to hear the response to the question – because I have asked myself that same one, more times than I care to confess.
“In the end, wIll it be worth it?’
The response shared with me was more vulnerable and honest than I expected. It’s not word, for word, but it’s impact is lasting.
I DAILY feel some type of emotion, the full gamete of them all…. the joy of freedom of living my life, able to go, do, be… but there’s the full swing of emotions, the sorrow of soloness, not having someone to care for and be cared by………’
Then it was this statement that smacked me upside the head.
However, I am not willing, and have not been willing, to compromise or MAKE something happen… just to live a life others want me to live. So yes, it has been worth it!
Can I (now) and in the end, say the same?
Is it worth it?
Is the life I have – worth it?
The experiences (or lack) I’ve had?
The cultural (and occasional family) pressure to be somewhere different. To have a different – less time-consuming, less demanding job. To get the husband. Have the kids. Create the family…… And is it worth it….. when my all-too-frequent battle of – “what if I just tried harder……” stirs inside my heart.
Will it be worth it?
I keep going back to the statement…… “I’m not willing to compromise to make something happen…… just to live a life others want me to live…”
I’m not saying – hard work or putting oneself in good places, with the right people isn’t good – but there’s often a choice to not ‘make it happen’. I don’t want to manipulate or control – even if it’s something I want. I choose, to take the next moment – whatever it holds – believing God actually does have a plan for my life, and it is good…. AND that I’m IN it. Now. It is not a far-off plan… it’s here. now!
I won’t pretend that not ‘making it happen’ is sometimes the hardest thing… I’m great at details and accomplishing the task at hand, especially when it’s something I want… FYI, not making it happen is not sexy or easy…… but often it’s the ‘right’ choice.
So…….. is the life I have, the one I get to live out every day, as it is – worth it? Sometimes the answer is a choice, (moment to moment…)… but YES, it is, and I’m convinced it will be totally worth it!
*Incredibly thankful that Jesus meets me, when I need it, where I need it, how I need – even when I don’t even know I needed it! #goodgoodFather