365 days….. Moments of more pain and heartache than I ever thought it was possible to endure.
365 days…… Moments of remembering and thinking back on happiness, memories of life, love and joy.
365 days……. Discovering that, although I miss her more than I can ever express, my life’s purpose goes beyond, and I am more her daughter than I ever realized before!
365 days ago……. Mom took her last earthly breath and stepped into a glorious place………….. Where she’s lived her moments more alive, full, real, true…. whole!!
Today, 365 days later…… intentionally taking moments to remember, to think back on Mom’s life, to see who she was, how she impacted me and so many others…. and even more, to celebrate that we’ve survived, and somehow managed to continue forward, one step at a time…….
So today, 365 days later, remembering the words I shared FEBRUARY 10, 2014….
First of all – as it’s been said before, thank you so much for coming!! Seeing so many people – both newer friends and ones from years ago, speaks to how well Mom lived her life —
The past few 4 weeks have been a whirlwind – a roller coaster of emotions for me. From January 9th – when Mom was first in the ER for difficulty breathing, to a cancer diagnosis and 16 days in the hospital, there were moments of uncertainty, moments of disbelief, but also moments where heaven’s touch was more tangible than ever before.
Mom lived her life — truly LIVED her life, fully! Over the 2 weeks she was at LGH (with amazing nursing staff and doctors), we had conversations that have and will impact my perspective of life and love and I will treasure them forever! One of our conversations was about the people in our lives … many of whom are sitting in this room today! We talked about how the concept of “Return on Investment” — and the biblical parallel of sowing and reaping…. had been demonstrated more clearly than ever. We talked about relationships and those we invest in, whether intentional, of by default, they give back – and oftentimes you see that so evident in times of crisis or tragedy. I can say — that not only were those investments that Mom made returned to her, but our family has been receiving those returns, the reaping of those SHE had invested in!
The 3 words – the themes Mom has written to you all, Joy, Hope and Grace, are as impacting as you’ll let them! Ann and Heather shared earlier about JOY… and as I thought through how to incorporate those words into today, Nicole and I were asked to share about HOPE….. the crazy thing is that earlier this year – I had blogged that my word – to help define 2014 – was Hope-filled. At the time I wrote it, I didn’t know what would be coming my way… but standing here today, I’m convinced that it’s no coincidence! Hope is not just wishing for something — it’s not about crossing your fingers and believing that something good or fun will come about…… HOPE is a choice — a lifestyle of belief, choosing to live in faith — whether we see or feel, or not.
As I was thinking about Hope — I was reminded of the lines from the Hymn “My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus blood and righteousness, I dare not trust the sweetest frame but wholly lean on Jesus name….”
That was Mom. She didn’t put her hope or trust in things; in people, in doctors, in medicine, in anything here… her HOPE, her Joy was always Jesus. I can remember so many times, but especially in the past few weeks where I’d walk in the house (or hospital room) and music was playing, she was journaling or just sitting – rest/hope was incredibly evident! There was no fear, no discouragement or panic – HOPE, in who Jesus was, not necessarily what He would DO, was incredibly evident!
One morning before I went to be with mom in her hospital room, I prayed (and cried) my questions… and the response I felt was: “Yes, Shauna, you love her much – but I love her more and it’s time for her to be with me!” Mom and I talked later that day and I told her about that. She just smiled, nodded her head and said she was ready to go!!
Yes our hearts are so broken, and we will need to figure out what a new normal will be without her – quite possibly everyday —- but I am confident that Mom’s HOPE – her belief in Jesus – was fully realized when she took her last breath on earth and saw Jesus’ face. Her HOPE was fulfilled, when her body no longer struggled to breath or fight disease, but lives where there is no cancer, fatigue, shortness of breath, tears or pain. I know she is having the most amazing time, and that He is loving her – like she’s never been loved before!
So to my Mom, my friend – you will be missed, but thank you for being You, and for allowing us all front row seats to watch you live a Joy, grace and HOPE-filled life!
Missing you today…………