I recently had a conversation with a friend and even weeks later its truth (and challenge) live strong in my head and heart!
We were chatting about trust, and specifically for me, trusting God.
I explained to my friend that I can see God’s faithfulness, His extravagance in many situations over the years. I see His provision, His presence, His healing, oh so many amazing qualities – demonstrated over and over – not only in my life but in others around me. He’s proven Himself trustworthy – even though I’ve not SEEN Him show up in everything I think He should have, or in the way I think He should have…
And really, with all that I’ve experienced, there is no reason to doubt Him – in any capacity….. And yet, if I’m honest, with myself and you, I do question. I sometimes doubt His trustworthiness, solely based in emotions, feeling and just because I’ve not experienced or seen.
I’ve fought to be honest with Him. I’ve struggled to ‘just trust and let go – and let God…’ And yet I’ve not SEEN Him move on my behalf sometimes and when you hope and pray for something to change, to be different, over time the disappointment of never seeing that fulfilled affects faith and belief that He is trustworthy and will follow through.
So as I sat chatting with my friend, explaining to her my frustration, and of course backing my stories with, “yet I’ve seen Him be faithful in so much, just not this….” she sat there staring at me… And when I took a breath her response was one I hadn’t expected.
“Let’s take a different look at this. Let’s just say it’s me and you, and you say to me; I trust you. You’re a great friend. You’re kind. You’re nice…. But there is one thing I can’t trust you on…. mostly because I haven’t seen you DO anything… or when I’ve asked you about nothing ever changed….’ — What do those words really convey to me as a person? You’re saying that one area of who I am is untrustworthy? But how can that be? That questioning, that distrusting isn’t just that one thing…. It’s actually calling into question everything about me — it’s my entire character you’re not trusting!”
I felt like I had been hit with a ton of bricks. My entire argument of trusting – minus one area – was blown out of the water. Her challenge was real — and for me felt so convicting. Is it possible to really truly trust, but it not be complete? Can you trust half-heartedly? I think so often I try – I box God (and people) – because I don’t have the proof that they’ll come through.
We’ve been singing a song at LCBC Church (by Elevation Worship) and the following lines, hit me – every. single. time….
All my hopes and dreams and all my fears I choose to trust… I will take You at Your word… I will look back and see that you are faithful. I’ll look ahead believing you are able….
There’s a reminding of oneself of what’s been…… But also a reminder of not living looking back – but looking ahead – with hope and trust that He IS able. To me it’s a reminder that He is trustworthy!
Trust requires faith.
It’s a confident ‘hope’.
It’s a belief.
Sometimes there isn’t proof — but His character, whether we’ve seen it demonstrated the way we’d like it to be or not, is so perfect, so very TRUSTWORTHY – and it’s my CHOICE to trust – oftentimes without actually seeing, experiencing.
…….. One baby-trusting-step at a time!