So the last few weeks have been interesting………….
I’ve been learning so much about myself (and humanity)…. how we respond to change, pain and growth. Some of our first reactions are worry, fear in uncertainty and our brains kick into over-drive to piece something together – for it all make sense…… but there are some of us, although the first moments of change may be emotion-driven, the intentionality to step back, look at things from a 30,000 foot view, to choose life and trust – TRUST that God has a plan, something bigger then the minute details we’re caught in, a plan for our good…… overtakes the fear!
I have had seasons, questioning and asking God for something new or different………
But then, CHANGE comes – and my first reaction is to question ‘why THIS change’ and sometimes there’s a ‘why so difficult’? In the last few weeks, my tag line in conversations has been: “I like change but only when I’m in charge of it!” Sadly I’m discovering more often than not – change is not something I’m typically in-charge of!
If you’ve been in my world, or following my blog, you’re aware that 2014 has already been a ride! There’ve been CHANGE moments (moments full of questions and where choosing to TRUST that God had a plan – were front and center) especially in February when my Mom passed away.
But as time marches on, so does change…
A few weeks ago, I had a phone call, out of the blue, and a conversation containing a significant life-CHANGE opportunity (a new-job/moving from PA) was on the table. There were elements of this change that intrigued me………..
…….. especially when another CHANGE – very much out of my control – hit me, HARD, about 5 days after that first phone call!
I’ve had the awesome privilege of working at LCBC for the last 7 years. I was hired in July of 2007 – to be administrative support for a guy they were bringing on staff. I started day one with John, and so even in the midst of work load shifts, changing tasks, added titles and shifting my primary support role from John to David, John had been the constant.
So 5 days after a potential CHANGE opportunity, John and I sat and talked – after he shared he’s shifting away from LCBC to another job – and although I’m supportive of his decision and his reasons to go — it rocked my world! CHANGE, again one I had not chosen – was happening around me and I couldn’t do anything to stop it…
So hear me on this…
I’m not writing this to toot my horn or say I’ve figured out what all this means…… Or how to embrace CHANGE with giggles and smiles… I’m still very much learning (and if I’m honest, I hate it!!)
LIFE is PROCESS.
LIFE is CHANGE.
I can not control anything around me — but I’m responsible to respond, react, to TRUST, to believe, (and sometimes just reminding myself, to keep breathing and take one baby step forward, that is my “win” for the day…..)
So in the midst of change, pain, uncertainty, being out-of-control, what do you (and I) do? Do we crumble under the stress? Do we make emotionally-charged decisions? Do we run? Do we sit and wait? Do we choose to remain in extreme emotions? Do we look for a rays of sunshine breaking through the darkness? Do you seek a glimmer of silver lining sticking out from everything else?
So yes, CHANGE has happened:
– life without Mom has it’s really tough times and yet there’ve been moments that I’ve experienced life so incredibly differently because she isn’t here.
– LCBC without John will look, feel and be different, but there are things that can only happen because he’s not there.
– and even in the days where I question my choice to stay in PA, and wonder why I didn’t seize the day, I will remember that God has a plan for me, here and now, however long that season is…
Obviously I haven’t figured this out……. and in all honesty, maybe I never will but in the meantime, I’m choosing to take…
One day at a time.
One step at a time.
One breath, in and out, at a time…
Recognizing CHANGE will be….
And how will I process through it?