34…

44,706,600
17,882,258 
298,037
12,418
1,774
34

To many – these are just numbers, random and meaningless, but are they really just numbers?  In theory, yes… but to me, they are significant – because they are representative of moments of my existence.  Those numbers began at 0 and continue……

44,706,600 seconds
17,882,258 minutes
298,037 hours
12,418 days
1,774 weeks
34 years

34 2Some of you would say; “34! That’s so far in my future!” (Enjoy that!)… Some of you are living there and is your current moment in time.  And some of you, 34 is a far off number, a time in your past (and you wish you could re-visit).  But for me — 34 is the space in time — the current moment I’m living on planet earth!

I’ve written before how my life is considerably different than I had “planned” and dreamed it would be at age 34. However, as time passes I realize that my life is an incredible story of moments that I wouldn’t want to change, exchange or give up!  I’ve been in conversation recently with some friends talking about circumstances and what things should look like, feel like, be like, and have been accomplished at this point/age in our lives… but I am reminded (and keep reminding others) that OUR stories, my life (and their lives) — are not like (and should not be like) anyone else’s.  I find myself asking, why I would even want my life, my story, to look like another person’s?  Yes, people around me have amazing lives but do I want their stories to be mine?  Why? I have no doubt that my God has been involved in every moment of my life — those 44,706,600 seconds on this planet — and His creative juices – those minute details of my story — have never and will never run out!

So for many of you, who were not around for the first 12 years of my life, this part of my story will be new to you.  On February 18th 1979, I was born blue with the  umbilical chord wrapped around my neck…  then  1,826 days (5 years) and again at 626 weeks (12 years) later,  my physical body starting battling against itself as my  white & red blood cells attacked each other.  I don’t remember many details of those weeks but I remember overhearing conversations of those  around me questioning the  “why” (to  the doctors and to Heaven) I wonderand considering the possibility of my life ending in those times.  I don’t think I was old enough to really know what I was thinking or what I was questioning, but let me say — being in a hospital, being poked, prodded, tested for days was not (and is not) my idea of fun or “in the plan” for my life. Obviously I lived! But I will say there are moments when I wonder what that time, what that experience, was about – for me and those around me!  I think it was on some level a realization that each of us has a limited amount of days, breaths on this planet. So as much as we like to have control or to know what the plan or the next step, the next chapter of the story, we really are just living it out.  Obviously, there are elements of our lives that we do get to control and we get to influence, thanks to God’s incredible generosity to give us choice! But the parts that I’m living out — trusting HIS plan to guide and direct, are incredibly amazing!

So does my life look like what I thought, based on culture and or the dreams of those around me, it would at 34? NOPE. But what does it matter?  I can honestly see the creative brush strokes of my Creator, and see Him in the details, that I am confident that He does have a plan. I know I’m on the planet for a reason, lady and confettifor a purpose no matter how grand or small — I have a part to play, people to influence, things to do and things to just BE.  I LOVE my life and even in the moments I question the why’s and why not’s — I can trust that HIS plan is even greater than anything I could’ve mapped out myself! So have I “arrived” and am able to rest in believing and hoping I’ll find out the plan (in all it’s detailed glory)… by no means but I’m learning (and probably always will be) to rest contented where I am – with the view of what I do have in front of me!

CELEBRATING……. And expectant for the next 365 days!

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1 thought on “34…”

  1. Excellent! You made me cry. I am so proud of you and your 34 years have been truly a blessing to me. Love you, dad.

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