Just Be. Just Breathe.

So I was recently on a mini-vacation. I took a Friday through a Monday to just get away, unplug, unwind, disconnect from the daily activities that have become my life. I had every intention of listening to podcasts and journaling and just having some space to hear God and an expectation that He would do some big revelation, since I was being so kind as to give Him space……

I drove the hour and half south, listening to tunes and asking God to speak to me… and yet nothing was spoken/heard in the car ride there.  Ok, no worries…. I pulled into the driveway, unloaded my bags, the groceries I had packed, got my journal, my glass of Diet Coke – found a comfy chair on the deck and said, “Ok God – here I am! 4 days of just you and me, whatcha want to say?”  And then nothing……. I sat there a few moments — just watching nature and the boats on the river, waiting.  But after several minutes, which turned into an hour — still nothing from heaven!

Perhaps I needed to unwind a bit. I know coming from crazy life, running and going all the time, maybe I just needed to take a little more time to disconnect and tune into heaven.  So I decided to read.  I grabbed my book, headed to the big white Adirondack chair by the shore of the river and sat there reading….. then put the book down, quietly sat and waited…… Still nothing!

As you can imagine — there came a time during the weekend where silence was starting to stress me out!  Not the silence of being alone – but the silence of “I’m here – intentionally creating space for YOU to speak this huge revelation to me and nothing……”

And the very next thing I heard (my interpretation of God’s voice);

“My darlin’ just because you’re expectation was for a huge revelation this weekend, doesn’t mean there is one. You have come looking for the big voice, telling you the grand plan for life, revelation of big secrets or perspective/emotional release from things you’ve been working through…… but what I want from you is YOU!  I want you to stop with the to-do list, the things to accomplish and just BE!  Just BREATHE.  And LEAN IN!”

Being the person I am – I was a little taken aback.  I had plans.  I had an idea of the things I wanted to work through and the items I wanted answers on — but that was not to be, this weekend!

The next few days were just me and Him.  I kept thinking, if I was here with a friend or a spouse or another person, I wouldn’t necessarily have questions and need answers. Conversations would flow naturally.  We’d laugh and have fun.  We’d eat, sleep, sit around watching movies and just enjoying the time away…. So I had a shift in my perspective.  I decided to do just as He said — to just BE!

So what did that look like? It was waking up in the morning and just watching the sun reflecting off the river.  It was sitting on the deck, reading (a novel or scripture) quietly.  It was making my morning coffee or dinner and enjoying those simple moments in the kitchen.  It was watching a movie and just chilling out.  It was sitting and resting in silence — just breathing.  It was just BEING!

Yes – there were moments where I felt a whisper of something – simple perspective challenges and revelations, but there weren’t any big moments or extremely  emotional moments of repentance or life-change… but the simplicity of just being, just leaning in, was more refreshing than I can ever say!

As my time away came to an end, to say that I wasn’t a little disappointed by the lack of “HUGE” life-change would be a miss, but I KNOW that God did something in those days.  He took my administrative, let-get-things-done, must know the plan, figure out the why’s, how’s, etc… and showed me there’s such value, in any/all relationships, in just being.  To take time, in the midst of busy-life-stuff and just be.

*Craig Groeschel did a series recently called Soul-Detox at lifechurch.tv and the first week called “Restless Soul” was so helpful with this.  If you’re into podcasts, take 35min and listen, I’d highly recommend it!  http://www.lifechurch.tv/watch/soul-detox/1