I was recently working through some tough moments personally and as I sat in my room, journal, pen, Bible, tissues, mug of coffee – in the silence of the room, but with the ROARING QUESTIONS of my heart and mind, I had the following picture pop into my head.
(Remember this from school? I remember sitting in class and working on writing letters. There were moments I LOVED those letters, dotted lines and pencil — but even more the eraser, because I couldn’t get them to look just right…..)
Anyway, as I sat in that moment, seeing this picture in my head…. I felt challenged! Where on this “time-line” (the alphabet) do I live? People are always talking about a Plan “A”. Working a Plan “B”, or even worse — Plan “whatever”! Typically, Plan “A” is the shoot-for-the-moon, if everything-goes-perfectly-according to how we pictured it. But oftentimes, we have a Plan “B”, even if we don’t say it, we have a back-up, just in case it doesn’t work out according to our original thought.
So as I sat there thinking… and questioning my life and which PLAN I live in… I felt challenged, BIG TIME! It was almost as if God was saying that 90% of the time I live and function in the Plan “A” (HIS PLAN for my life), but there’s probably 7% of the time I live in the little “a” plan *mostly HIS PLAN, but with a Shauna-flare to it), and the remaining 3% — Plan “B”, MY Plan — it’s that working-to-make-something -happen-back-up because you don’t’ SEE (or feel) HIM doing anything in those area’s! I will confess, there are several area’s of my life that I live with constant (and oftentimes nagging) questions, those questions that never seem to get answered, those places of silence, so my trying to figure out a good/workable plan, the Plan “B” seems to be the best solution. From the outside, these plans are often supported by those closest to me, they look like a great options and makes sense on some level, but deep down — the amount of struggle to “make it work” screams to me that it is not Plan “A” or even plan “a”, but that I’m in full Plan “B” (Shauna’s plan) mode.
I’ve heard is said soooo many times (probably because people have told ME so often) that a good thing could work and be alright, but the RIGHT thing — in the RIGHT time is BEST and there’s no substitute for it!
So although this is still a VERY new thought for me…… I’m feeling very challenged to look at my life, all areas and see what plan I’m working. Do I truly LIVE in the Plan “A” — the God-designed plan for me? Or have I allowed myself to slide into Plan “a” or even beyond? I’m challenging myself to be intentional with pressing into Plan “A” and to stay as far away from the Plan “a” or “B” as I possible. I realize I DO have a choice…… I can CHOOSE to live my life by Plan “A” or I can CHOOSE Plan “B” — it’s up to me, and I make the decision of which path I follow.
I realize that I will (because of my humanity, personality and wiring) will go to that place again (from time to time), however, when I do, to extend grace when the “control” part of me takes over! I am so thankful for loving correction, challenge and forgiveness — extended from the CREATOR and designer of Plan “A”! When I find myself working Plan “B” or “b” or even beyond — and feel those nudges to scrap any of my Plans, plans that aren’t set in motion by HIM — I need to remind myself to to relax, settle back into Plan “A” — which is perfect. Perfectly designed (for me). Perfect in its timing (for me). Perfect in the circumstances (for me). And perfect – in every way (for me)!